Don’t Blame the Book!

So…I am not so good with the updating. I started another blog about saving money and couponing, Never Pay Retail. It is much much easier to update that one on a regular basis because it’s about shopping. It’s pretty easy to just post some sales from the grocery paper.

When I write about June, I want it to matter and be smart and clever and witty. That takes time, time and energy that I don’t always have. I have several ideas floating around in my head for the blog, but I want to do them justice and not haphazardly. I want them to be souffles, not pudding cups. 🙂

I think I’m a decent June considering my available time. I’m still cooking a lot for my fella, and I keep the laundry and dishes up to date, etc. etc. I try to be respectful. I remember the lines from my Love and Respect book whenever we have an arugment, and I try to think about how to explain my feelings without being disrespectful.

I am not always successful, and boy, I can tell the difference. But we seldom argue, and are very happy together.

The love and respect stuff DOES work, and I can definitely see where God’s plan for marriage makes total sense. It’s not that one person or job is more important than the other; it’s that we both have our roles and together we’re a whole, a team.

A couple weeks ago, Courtney (my partner in crime with this June stuff AND couponing) and I were talking with another friend and discussing God’s plan for marriage. We will call the other friend…Sara. So Sara was saying that sometimes the man will use the Bible’s teaching about submission to control the wife and manipulative her until he is a tyrant and she is just a sad little creature. She says that she dislikes that about the Bible.

Well, I say to Sara and to anyone else…blame the man, not the book.

If I picked up the telephone book and whacked you upside the head with it…would you blame the telephone book??

God has given us His Word, it is up to us to use it properly. In book Love and Respect,  Eggerichs repeatedly says, a good-natured husband, or a husband with goodwill. That’s crucial. If you have married a true sociopath who has ill-will, well….I’m not sure what strategy will work for you, but you still need the Lord!!

I would imagine that if you married your husband for love, and he is a believer, then he does have goodwill in his heart. It is a truly nasty character who would delight in his wife’s unhappiness. But we are all selfish creatures at times, and are so blinded by our own hurts and needs and wants that we do not see our own faults and how our actions hurt others.

Enter the Love and Respect book (or another book of this type). Such books help you to see your spouse’s side of the story, and understand how he or she is feeling, and how you can help.

We all learn the Golden Rule from an early age: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.

It works for everything, and it works here. If you want your husband to treat you better, treat him better. If you want to receive the love you need, give him the respect he needs. In our society, we like instant gratification and instant payment, but this may not work that way. You may have to give first. You may have to give awhile, but eventually, if you have a husband with goodwill, it will work.

If it doesn’t…I don’t know. That is a tricky question, because I do believe that marriage should be forever and should be preserved as much as possible. However, that’s not always possible, and I don’t believe God wants us to be miserable, or abused. He certainly doesn’t want us to be cheated on, or abandoned, since the Bible talks of both those situations.

I will say that you know in your heart whether you and your husband have made the best and honest efforts to preserve your union…and God does too. I would also say that a pastor can help you work out anything. God has given us His Word to read and use in our lives, but sometimes we need a guide.

So…there are a lot of people in this world who claim to be religious and claim to be Christians, but they use the Bible to justify bad things. This is nothing new throughout history, and isn’t limited to marriage.

And I’m no saint myself. These are just my thoughts. I make plenty of mistakes, in my relationship, and in my life. I just try to give love and forgiveness as often as I can, since these are the things I want most from the Lord. However, I know I make mistakes, and when I make them, I know where the blame lies, and the answer is NOT in the Bible.


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